Saturday, October 8, 2016

8 years

8 years since venturing into the unknown western territory! Feels like it was just yesterday, although a lot has happened in the 2920 days.

This was my first time to a western country, first time on a long haul flight, first time traveling alone into the unknown with no solid plans other than to finish my masters for that year.
When I was leaving, a lot of my friends had a farewell party for me, which obviously followed along with series questions.

Question 1: How long are you going to be there?
Me: I don’t know

Question 2: When are you coming back?
Me: I don’t know

Question 3:  What are you going to do after your masters? Do you plan to work there?
Me: I don’t know

Question 4: Do you know anyone in Glasgow?
Me: No, I don’t  

Question 5: Do you want to come back?
Me: I don’t know!

Please, save me the misery. Why so many questions when it’s essentially only one, and my answer was definitely only one! I DON’T KNOW. And I hated to give that answer, because I wanted to know. I’m not the kind of person who wants to be in control and who wants to do only what I want. I don’t always take things into my own hands and work for it to happen. I just like to know what is going to happen so that I am prepared. This part of me is such a contradiction to the other part of me that loves surprises! Now that I think of it, it’s really weird that I like to know what is going to happen next, but at the same time I enjoy surprises. I should have perhaps taken life in that light. Taking one thing at a time and enjoying the surprises that life has to offer.

Little did I know that it wouldn’t just be that one year.  Year after year, right from 2008 till today, every single year has been a challenge, not because I wasn’t able to handle it, purely because I didn’t know what was going to happen. Was I going to stay on, what was I going to do next? Where was I going to go? What should I do?
The last 8 years have been an adventure unknown to me before it all started. I got 2 postgrad degrees, worked in a few different places, got involved in many things that I had no previous experience or clue, went to places I never thought I would, travelled quite a bit, moved quite a bit, got married, had major changes in my life, went through the bulk of it with uncertainties, and all this happened without my planning and without me knowing this a year in advance.

Of course I knew all along that even if I didn’t know what was going to happen in the following year, my creator knew everything full well, because he holds my future. As much as I have always been aware of who holds my future, I still wanted to know what was going to happen and I wanted to be prepared for it. There is always a nagging worry, doubt and fear at the back of my mind about something or the other.

The reminder on Facebook got me thinking if I’m still the same person. No I’m not. I still don’t know what’s going to happen next, I still have no preparations, but there’s an unexplainable confidence in the certainty of who is in control of my life if I am not. 

After 8 years now, and seeing everything that has happened, I can finally say, I’ve finally understood in this thick head of mine, that it’s ok if I am not in control. It’s ok if I didn’t know. It’s ok if I didn’t have any answers at the moment. It’s ok if I am not sure. There is no need to be worried because of uncertainties. I will never be sure, I’ll never be able to dictate my life the way I see things, I will never really have my way in everything, because I chose to let God have His way in everything, because the one who holds my future has plans to give me hope and a future. Doesn’t He know what He’s doing? Why worry then?

Let go and let God.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

I am truly blessed, highly favoured, and deeply loved.

Birthdays are meant to be joyous occasions, and that’s why it’s always “happy birthday” or “blessed birthday” or “many more happy returns of the day”. Birthdays are celebrated to mark the addition of another year in one’s life, and to give thanks to the year that has passed.

As far as I remember, I’ve spent the last few years thanking and acknowledging God for His blessings, providence, guidance etc. But this year, I want to acknowledge something else that was more prominent to me.

Sending a text of Facebook message hardly takes 10 seconds, but sending a video message, and that too personalized ones is a whole new ball game. I know how difficult and awkward it would have been. All of you have been so spontaneous (I also heard some had to rehearse many times lol), so generous, so genuine.

I’ve already seen that video a few times since the 24th, and each time I see it, I am made more and more aware of how meaningful it is. Am I really loved that much? Am I really that special? Am I really that important that all of you would take the time to do this for me? This is something I would cherish for life. Every wish and prayer was so special to me.

This video made me smile, laugh, cry, think, realize, be thankful and miss everyone of you. I am truly loved, I am appreciated, I am an influencer.

Thank you once again to each and every one of you all over the world - for all your efforts, best wishes, prayers and blessings. Despite the distance, you’ve always had me in mind. I mean it when I say, it has not only made my day, it has made me see my life in an entirely new way.

Thank you my darling husband, for making it this special for me, with this video and the special surprise of what I wanted. The sleepless days and nights and chasing around has paid off. Thank you ma for playing along and making this happen too.

I am truly blessed, highly favoured, and deeply loved.

Monday, April 11, 2016

Happy first wedding anniversary of many more to come sayang!

Dear husband,

As we celebrate our 1st year anniversary as husband and wife today, I am reminded that this is just the beginning sweetheart, and what a beginning it has been! I’m eagerly looking forward to spending the many more years to come, the years of God’s abundance of blessings in our lives, the years of commitment we have with each other. 

For the longest time, you've always asks why i never wrote anything about you... it's because of whatever is written below. This isn't a compilation of who you are, but it is a reminder of how our marriage has been in this first year, filled with love, grace, forgiveness and setting each other  as priority (mostly me being the one receiving most priority). 

11th April 20015
I cannot forget that look you had on your face that night. The seriousness you had in you when you said you’ve got a big responsibility in taking care of me brought me to reality. I obviously hadn’t come to terms with the importance of the whole marriage thing until then.  

18th April 2015
You threw all your clothes out from the luggage so that you can take mine. And you restricted your own shopping to make space for me.

21st April 2015
You sacrificed your sleep, and didn’t even bother about jet lag, just so you can get the needful things sorted for me.

4th June 2015
For some reason I had not expected as much from you as I did from my mother. But when you responded to me exactly the way my mother would do, I was taken aback. She’s been with me my whole life, providing for me and making sure everything was ok for me. For you to do the same thing as my mother, when you’ve only known me for a short time,  I am truly blessed.

16th June 2015
Everything that you do, you think of me first. You think if it is best for me and if it will make me happy, before you think if it is convenient for you.

17th June 2015
What more can I ask for in a husband who encourages me so much, believes in me and supports me in a vision that no one else would understand. You, who dislike discussing things and listing out the pros and cons, willing made time to discuss things with me tonight and started the topic yourself without me asking.

18th June 2015
Is it even normal for a husband to give and not expect anything from his wife? I’ve never seen anyone else ever so giving like you. My heart is bursting with the amount of love you shower on me, both spiritually and materialistically.

24th June 1983
This is the 5th year that you’ve celebrated my birthday with me. As a friend for the first few years, last year as my fiancΓ©, and this year as my husband.

3rd July 2015
Which other husband would be proud to identify himself as his wife’s husband rather than she is his wife. I can’t believe you are proud to say that you are Chumi’s husband, rather than I am Laxman’s wife.

4th July 2015
How sweet of you to spend so much time with my mum, taking her out for meals, taking her out for movie in the middle of the night, and make sure she’s ok after the movie. But terminator wasn’t a good choice of movie at all :/

5th July 2015
Everyone seems to be talking about how you’ve set Saturday aside as Chumi’s day…. Ahahha…. You are my trend-setting husband, who puts his wife first before anyone else.

7th July 2015
That moment when you said you were going to text my mother to say that I was eating ice cream for breakfast, I said don’t! and you said, she’s my mother also so I will tell her whatever I want to!

9th July 2015
I was sitting in a youth meeting, receiving your msg about how you are saving to take me shopping when we go to Hat Yai. And then sending me a video on whatsapp half an hour later…. Proudly saying this is how I am going to shop. Yes! This is exactly how I am going to shop…. And I am going to drag you into each and every one of those shops! 

10th July 2015
You are one of a kind husband who sings along with me and teaches me to sing it correctly… through Skype!

11th July 2015
I don’t know how you prefer this dark, tired looking face with a popping pimple and messy hair that you are looking at on Skype now, instead of a polished passport photo of me, where I am fair and looking all dolled up and pretty.

15th July 2015
Chatting on my Malaysian number whatsap, UK number whatsapp, Skype and FB messenger all at the same time…. You cant get enough of me can you …. Ahahaha

30th July 2015
Our first ever time traveling together and I loved every minute of it... U made that dirty train ride and long wait worth it 

31th July 2015
My darling husband got worried that I was coughing non stop and got dressed in the middle of the night to go down to the reception to get hot water for me, instead of calling room service. 

1st August 
Are all husbands supposed to be this nice to their wives or r u being extra nice ? You carried all the luggages and even carried my new suit case so that the rollers doesn't spoil before I get to use it properly .. And let me walk freely with you. 

3rd August 2015 
Our first ever road trip and I loved every bit of it again. You make me feel loved and special all d time that you are willing to go to extremes for me 

6th August 2015 
Would you always iron my clothes and do house work for me even when im well and healthy, just like you've been doing this whole week ?? 

7th August 2015 
My heart broke to see you sending me off at the airport while u had another 12 hours wait for ur own flight. You so willingly released me for ministry work overseas when u were so concerned about my safety 

9th August 2015 
More than you being proud of me for going to your home town, I was proud to have had that privilege of going to your home town and seeing the place you grew up in 

18th August 2015
If you go at this rate of being so concerned about me and my safety even while we are thousands of miles apart, I don't know what you would do when we are together. I would eventually get used to it and start demanding more from you 

20th August 2015
I was beaming so proudly when U told me that I'm your own little world and that you'll never get tired of loving me.

23rd August 2015 
Thank you baby for making time to go and see mum and the others in church even when it was getting late for you to leave to Bristol 

24th August 2015
Sending me messages saying, “from the tip of my toe to the top of my head, they will know that I love you so much” is a bit much …. But you are starting to be expressive about how you feel! Halleluyah!

27th August 2015
Here I was, screaming at the top of my voice for something that you did and didn’t do. You listened to me quietly and calmed me down.

30th August 2015
Suddenly I recalled being so angry and rude with you a few days ago, and apologized, explaining myself. And you said you enjoy my screaming! And then you say you are madly in love with me, so you don’t think of all these things and you wipe it away, because I am always your darling.

31st August 2015
How is it that you keep encouraging me to shop! =D

11th Sept 2015
We've been married for 5 months today. If feels as if it's only been 5 weeks now. Despite the distance, you always made me feel as if u were with me all the time. Sacrificing every weekend to sit online with me at home.

12th Sept 2015
The perks of praying with you, even over Skype, hearing you thank god for the best wife who is above and beyond your expectation, and taking God for the many talents your wife has.

13th Sept 2015
U spent the whole of today looking for a suitable laptop to gift my mum for her MTh course. How much sweeter can you be ?

15th Sept 2015
How does you running out of work in Bristol help when someone was on my roof in Malaysia ? But u still wanted to so that you would talk to me and pretend as if a man was in d house too

17th Sept 2015
I don't get how u can be so generous, that you want to buy a larger sized hard disk so that u can give it to me when I'm there and take my old one for urself. You are staring to think like my mum does. I like it !!

18th Sept 2015
You sacrificed shopping and changed ur plans To come back home and talk to me. You are the best baby !

20th Sept 2015
I know you keep saying you treat my mother like your own mother. But you treat her better than that. You spent all weekend scrubbing and cleaning your house, bought new furniture and kitchen ware for her, stocked up the fridge with what she likes, even bought sweeteners for her. on top of all this, you drop out to wherever she was to pick her up so that she’s not stranded.

23rd sept 2015
you sent me off with prayers even when you are not here with me right now.

26th sept 2015
3 days of not talking to you and texting you as much as i usually do because i was so busy with the leadership summit. You understandingly released me although you were upset of having less of me, kept on praying for me during those days and entertained my mother. i come back after 3 days and make you upset, but you forgave and forgot without even making a fuss. i love you baby! and i’m sorry … it won’t happen again.

27th Sept 2015
The first thing you ask me when u heard that some guy was picking a fight with me, " who won ??". Which other husband would do that

28th Sept 2015
I come back home upset after d first day of work at a new place and u tell me I don't have to go to work at all, and make sure I call up the principle to say that I won't be coming back again

29th Sept 2015
I was beaming with joy and pride when you said , “I will not let anyone to look down on you.” and “I am very proud of you”.

5th October 2015
I'm definitely not one to be identified as delicate or even gentle. I'm far from that. But you want to call me Adina, because u think I am one. Adina means delicate and gentle and Hebrew. Adi means jewel. And you said the best part is that Adi is used for boys and girls. Only u could ever think of me like this. "You are my Adi kutty".

11th Oct 2015
6 months today ! It feels like it's such a big milestone already!! If u are eager to buy me three figure dresses from monsoon just for the 6 months anniversary, I can't imagine What u would do for every other anniversary After this

13th Oct 2015
What does your husband say when you ask him you want to buy something? He sends me more money and asks me to buy even more.

15th Oct 2015
Not many ppl understand the intensity and impact that this approved visa has for us. We did it baby! It is over now! No more Egyptians to face. The LORD has fought the battle for us!

21st Oct 2015
How cute of u to send me a joke about a wife asking for newspaper, but husband gives a tab and the wire hits the cockroach with it. The conclusion is obviously just listen to your wife... And you agree with it

22nd Oct
For someone who's been pampered, never did any house work, brought up With bed coffee and delicious home cooked food at all odd hours, to tell me that u will do the house work and buy food when I don't have the time to cook... I am blessed

24th October
Chatting on Whatsapp, skype, Viber and fb all at the same time but about different things. You cant get enough of me can you ?

28th October
Saying I'm so blessed with Chumi, appreciating my messy handwriting, appreciating me for being thoughtful when i didn't even think of a certain thing is earning you brownie points

29th October
How can u say I'm a considerate person when I ask u if u ever get worried about my shopping craze ?! You sure know how to make me happy !

30th October
Admitting that you came after me and that I'm ur prized possession is enough to make me swoon .. And u add on to it by saying, thank god u didn't let me slip away or else you'll be regretting it, I'm so into you ...

2nd November
My darling husband, it's good enough that u wake up at 4am ur time to talk to me, you also end up listening to me study and study along with me to help me prepare for the test. And then you want to treat me for coming out first in the test

3rd November
As much as I'm nervous about cooking after almost a year, and cooking for u that too, u tell me not to worry about it but to just send u a list of things that I need and that you'll fill the fridge with whatever I want, and let me take a break from cooking

7th November
Thank for sitting online with me patiently for an hour and waiting for me to finish doing whatever I was doing da

9th November
It amazes me that u tell me to stay back n be careful while playing with fireworks... But too protective !

10th November
"If you r sick And have running nose when u r with me, I'll suck out the phlegm from ur nose like how mothers do for their babies. You don't have to keep running to the basin to blow ur nose or use tissues and make the skin around ur nose become dry and cracked" πŸ˜±πŸ˜– "it's so discussing! How can u do that. I wouldn't even do that for our own baby!" "I love u so much it doesn't bother me"

16th November
“The depth of my love for you doesn't even allow me to look at any faults”

25th November
I'm going to order pyjama for u so that u have comfortable clothes to wear when u land here k.

28th November
I have to ambitions in life, 1. To be with you, 2. To be with u. How sweet!

29th november
"compared to all my achievements, my greatest achievement is marrying you.i’ll take care of u when u r sick okay, u don’t have to wake up in d middle of d night to take medicines, i’ll do that. " I am truly blessed to hear this from u

1st dec
You are my world... I don't need any other friends at all

3rd Dec
I want to see u when I wake up first thing in d morning .. So I call u on skype even when I'm half sleeping

4th dec
Don't stay outside too long during d bbq and catch a cold ok da baby.
This is Malaysia! It will never be cold !!!

5th dec
Excitement is when ur husband says he has a lot of surprises waiting when I reach ! Also when d husband does grocery shopping for me well in advance and gets my favorite things

7th dec
“The house is ready for u baby, carpets are deep cleaned, kitchen floor mopped with chemicals, bathroom scrubbed down, presents ready, bedsheets ironed”

8th dec
I stayed back at work so that I can text u or talk to u and make sure all ur flights and immigration went on ok

10th dec
Thanks for making breakfast baby

15th dec
Thank u coming back from work and fixing d bookshelves and wardrobe even when u tired

16th Dec
Yay ... My drawers r ready today too ! My dressing section of d room is ready! Thank u sayang !

18th dec
How sweet of u to put up with my childishness and bring my food and drinks. Thanks for making lunch today baby !

20th dec
How sweet of u to give in to my immature mess when I lost to u at monopoly deal. Not only were u patient, u actually consoled me and comforted me when I threw a tantrum

22nd Dec
You picked the dates seed from my mouth to throw it away like mothers would do for their children

25th Dec
You willingly bent down to put on my shoes for me and take it off even in front of everyone else in church

1st Jan
Thank u for giving me ur wild card to help me win in monopoly deal although I was already winning .. Ahahah

2nd Jan
I love being your wife

5th Jan
Thank u for taking me out for a drive when I was grumpy in d evening even when u were tired after work

6th Jan
I go out for a walk for d first around the neighborhood and u send me thousands of messages telling me to be careful and telling me to call ur office number in case of emergency. What kind of an emergency or danger would I have in a medieval neighborhood where ALL d ppl living here r old and retired and can hardly walk half as fast as me ??

9th Jan
This must have been my first ever shopping record .. And that too buying an expensive boots without a second thought... Thank u baby !

10th Jan
U happily gave me ur iPhone 6s and took my iPhone 5s without a second thought just because I asked u once

12th Jan
U made sure i had ur bank card today and told me to buy whatever I wanted

15th Jan
Another kitchen free day today !! Thank for making lunch baby

18th Jan
Me: how did u wake up as soon as I got out of bed. I quietly snuck out of bed so that I don't wake u up, u were snoring and in such a deep sleep. U've done this a few times now.
Husband: I could feel ur presence leave me, so I wake up and come after u

22th Jan
Thank you for d new car baby!

27th Jan
Saying my chicken biryani is better than ur mum's is a bit too much but it was worth d wait isn't it ... Lol

28th Jan
Thank u for letting me sleep in today while u get ready for work and do d dishes this morning

31st Jan
It was very sweet of u to text me that I was looking extra beautiful today, while sitting next to me in church.

6th feb
Thank u for taking care of me like a baby. You made breakfast, gave me back massages, went grocery shopping, carried all d things back and then made dinner for us. All this while doing ur assignment also. You've been a very hard working husband today

9th feb
What's this new thing U've learnt to thank me after every meal, especially when it's really nice. I like it, pls continue 😁

10th feb
Thank you for readily shifting ur work to take me to an interview

14th feb
That video was a real surprise. Well done on finally succeeding in surprising me ! And keep it up baby.. Lol

17th feb
Husband: what's ur motivation in life? Do u know wats my motivation ?
Me: Wat is it ?
Laxman:you. I was motivated to get this job to marry u, and I'm motivated now to work even harder to take care of u

20th feb
You sleep first k, I'll put u to sleep first and then I'll sleep, so that my snoring doesn't disturb you

22nd feb
Letting me sleep in for a while longer cos I didn't sleep well last night, and offering to wash d dishes and then go to work.

25th feb
I love u so much that I actually tear nowadays when I think of u, In a good way, of course.

26th feb
Such a hardworking husband u are. You stitch ur own pants, u clean d whole house cos u suddenly discovered moulding due to Dampness, and on top of this, u offer to stitch my clothes that has buttons fallen off too

1st March
Thank u for d sweetie in my lunch bag !

2nd March
Thank you for taking d risk of walking down narrow dangerous roads to work so that I can take d car and don't get tired

3rd March
I like how u r so gentle when u r trying to wake me up in d morning so that I'm not late for work

5th March
Well done baby! You've successfully made breakfast d whole week and packed my lunch bag for me

7th March
Such a clean house, hoovering done, dishes done, and a sweet note to come back home to in ur absence.

9th March
Wearing socks at night is in no way comparison to ur warmth.

11th March
The best gift is not the ones filled in the suitcase when u come back from a work trip, it's u ! But thanks for d hotel pillows anyways hehehehe

13th March
Looking for a cake for our wedding a month in advance shows how excited u r to celebrate it

17th March
Thank u for waking up early and making lunch for me today .. U didn't even think of urself, but u made lunch for me first

18th March
You know Wat  I enjoy most about lunch, seeing Wat you've packed for me.. Specially chocolates and sweeties and special treats. 😁

20th March
I know and I know and I know and I know that I chose the right girl to marry, no no, I didn't choose, I know God gave me the perfect girl to marry !

25th March
You've been an absolute star driving for 12 hours getting us on our Europe trip

26th March
You always put others needs before your own and give so selflessly.

27th March
As I saw u carrying jayson and jannick on ur shoulders for hours despite how tired you were, I knew there and then, that our child will receive a double portion of what we lacked as while we were growing up.

1st April
Happiness is when u love my 'whatever is in the fridge' cooking and keep asking for it

2nd April
'Today is all about u baby... U can buy whatever u want and walk around as much as u want and I will walk with u n not frag I out of d shop quickly like I always do'. Thank you for walking around with me for 3 hours shopping and for letting it be all about me !

8th April
You know I don't eat so much.. Then y do u always pack extra food for me? Y should have packed that for urself.
Wat if u r extra hungry and want more food? I would rather pack more food for u and have u bring back d remaining than to let u have not enough food.